I was on my way to brunch with a few women friends when I saw A approaching me on the sidewalk. It was early so we were the only two heading toward one another. A!

‘What happened to you? You disappeared.’ I was confused. I mean, I know I’d been pretty stand offish but I kinda thought it was at least mutual. He was on his way to volunteer at a homeless shelter (he’s a saint as I mentioned before) and we agreed to catch up.

The following weekend we met for brunch. After brunch we went down the street to my favorite bar. I felt like we could be friends, I liked him! We talked about the dating world. More specifically online dating. He had been on OkCupid for 6 months and had 13 dates under his belt. I was impressed. ‘Are you kidding me? I have friends who would have been on 30 dates in that time frame’. Because I had chosen not to date anymore I was unfamiliar with this type of traffic. It sounded like serial dating to me. We chatted away, drinking and laughing.

Unexpectedly, he leaned forward and kissed me. Here I thought I was feeding a blossoming friendship and like a ninja he planted a kiss on me.

And goodness what a kiss. He was a good kisser! We made out right there at the bar for at least half an hour.I really was blown away. Was the kiss good because I liked him? Was this the piece of the puzzle I was missing? If I actually liked someone would the mechanical act be better? I had already separated the two in my mind and so far like a dude at a frat party I had ‘pulled it off’. Or so I thought. As though he read my mind he lifted the veil. ‘Anything between us could never be casual’. He said it just like that and I knew it was true.

I thought of P and the panic attack. I couldn’t make eye contact. I was scared. He had to go and it was good timing. I had some thinking to do. Could I actually have a relationship with a man? I felt skeptical.