I met Marvin in a little bar in Greenpoint. I kissed him hello and leaving lipstick on his mouth I used my thumb to wipe it off. ‘That’s it, you look after me baby.’ He is from New Orleans. Not being from America, I’m still getting used to different American accents. He said ‘sir’ and ‘mam’, I thought it was charming. He was utterly unlike me right down to the fact that he’s a non smoking non drinking vegan. Plus, he was huge.

There is a language specific to online dating. Marvin and I already discussed being ‘casual’. This means sex will be involved and there will be no strings. In other words, a hook up. From the get go Marvin was close to me, physically I mean, at the bar he pressed his body to mine and rested his dinner plate sized hand on my leg. We went for a walk along the waterfront and he stroked my hair, he touched my ears he talked to me softly, he held my hand. He told me it was fated that we met and I was cynical. (I said nothing). He seemed like a little boy trapped inside a giant’s body. I only mention this because there is always a moment during these encounters where I ask myself what element of a person’s personality would I be willing to overlook to sleep with them. This of course, is weighed up against how much I want to sleep with them. His kisses were soft, not lustful and when he asked me back to his place I assessed the pro’s and cons. What the hell.

His apartment was a true bachelor pad. Unmade bed, mess everywhere, the TV dominated and the dishes weren’t done. It didn’t worry me, he wasn’t going to be my boyfriend and I’d sworn to myself I would never clean up after a grown man again.  He stood in front me and undressed me. By now both completely naked he threw me onto the bed. I liked his style, he didn’t ask my permission to do anything he just did it. He moved my body around to suit his needs as if I weighed nothing. This guy was a pro, clearly he had a lot of practice.

After about half an hour he flipped me and fucked me from behind. From out of nowhere I felt a whack on my flanks. He hit me. Hard. Holy crap! I wasn’t sure about it but it certainly added another element to the whole adventure. He was also fucking me very hard and had at least one digit in my ass. Who is this guy? There had been nothing in the afternoon to suggest that this would be on the agenda. It was overwhelming and I liked being taken over. It felt as though I was being sucked out to sea with the tide and then thrown back on a tsunami.

After a long session we lay back. Sweaty and shaky, we exchanged a few words before he told me he was ready to go again. R had invited me over for a wine however and she was a better conversationalist so, like a dude I left him hanging, got up and dressed myself. He called me a car and still naked, said goodbye to me at the door. We agreed to meet again. Waiting at the side of what must be the shittiest street in Bushwick I felt like I’d just run a marathon.

Fresh from the experience, I told R what I had just done. ‘Oh my God that’s insane!’ Sitting at her kitchen table with her daughter, eating cherries and drinking red wine, it wasn’t the first time I considered the duality of my life. Including Marvin I had 3 guys on the go. My daily grind however, consisted of kids lunches, school correspondence, changing diapers and homework. More enamored by the sweet smell of my three year old’s breath I’d rather his on my neck than a lover’s. Life’s not like that though and if I could have both I was ready to go for the jugular.