Tonight I went for a walk in my neighborhood.
I live in a very attractive area of NYC. Leafy trees, slate sidewalks, one way streets, brownstones. The weather was perfect, warm, still and fragrant. I had just had dinner with R who was bursting with revelations about herself, others and the experiences we all share which, if we let them can bring us together rather than separate us. It occurred to me that maybe we can be more than foot soldiers, that coexisting with complexity rather than fighting it had a beauty with it’s own name.
Spontaneously, on the way home I decided to take a stroll along the street. I felt my cotton summer dress brush against my legs as I pootled past baskets of overripe fruit and pungent flowers. I saw a couple holding hands and smiling, her in scrubs him in his t-shirt and shorts. I saw two women saying goodbye on a doorstep, embracing each other, faces like pumpkins and people sitting on their stoops just nattering away preferring the outside to in.
For the first time in a long time the gravity which had been bolting me to an unstoppable train gently lifted itself from my shoulders.
Time was working.
Everything was going to be ok.
I had been feeling out of life, synced to the wrong appliance wondering if I could get full again. It’s only you I need I thought referring to an unknown entity. Or maybe, I was thinking of the beauty with it’s own name, a name I still didn’t know even though I could feel the warmth of her next to me.