He came to NYC from Miami. I had been looking forward to seeing him. Then, I never take anything for granted. I had no idea what to expect.

I met P’s new love, the Sailor on Friday night. P is not the type of woman that has an empty dance card and when they come in they are rushing the gates. The unexpected ingredient that night was her. She was a girl anew, her face became round and open when she was with him and HE: he wanted me to tell him everything about her. The Sailor was thinking of staying in New York for her and I understood. I could warm my hands by them when they were together. I saw the stroppy arms that I know so well throw themselves around his neck and I felt happy. When you love someone, you thrive when they do. What could I say to the Sailor? I loved her. I love her. As much as I’ve been told I’m “like a dude” in this respect, I still believe in falling hard and fast and I wanted it for them. For her.

I met The Dominican after being with those two. It was a throat cutting contrast. I had left the door open unintentionally, P, the Sailor and I had just been on the stoop and I must have had it open for the cool breeze. When I got his call he was inside the apartment. I hadn’t seen him for so long it was strange to suddenly find him right next to me. We embraced and it felt right. He was gorgeous. I need to qualify this: the thing I like most is that he knows who he is.

However, I don’t know him at all.
We kissed straight away and it was glorious. As a matter of fact, I never thought I’d see him again so I still found it bizarre to have him in my presence. So this: this was nice. Better than expected.

Before long we were taking off our clothes and having sex on the couch. I loved the feeling of his body and he seemed to be completely comfortable in this way with me. He fucked me hard but tenderly. This is what I liked about TD, he brings something extra to the table, something I’m unfamiliar with. When we are together it feels like we’re taking what belongs to us and it’s easy. He speaks to me in Spanish when we’re at it and it’s thrilling for me. His voice is very different then, softer.

After he asked again if I would be “his girlfriend” – hmmmm. He asked if I’d meet his family: That was a real yes. Meeting other people is all fine by me.
Then, a little while later he asked if we could go upstairs to bed. This was TD’s way of getting me in the sack so to speak.

This time it was very different. He took me from behind and pulled my hair a little, choked me a little, smacked my bottom. It was great. I didn’t know he could or would do that and I was pleased. Still, it was the kisses I loved and I missed them.

Afterward he fell asleep and didn’t touch me again. That’s all fine but he did this funny thing with his feet where he jiggled them back and forth as if he were doing the shuffle. At one point I gently put my hand on his chest and asked quietly if he was ok? But he was dead to the world.

I was jealous. I wish I could sleep like that. As I was getting to know him I could see a frenetic energy that was the silt holding his clay together.

I woke early as is my way and ran errands: tidied up, went to the bank, got a manicure, normal stuff for a Brooklyn girl. I brought him a coffee and was pleased to see him showered and up and about.

We sat on the couch for the brief moment he was inactive. He seemed worried about how I felt. I was tired but also, I didn’t like all the lip service about being a girlfriend or meeting parents when there was clearly no shit to back it up. I hadn’t indicated I wanted it so why press me on it? He asked me if I still liked him and if I had a good time with him. Why all the questions? This was far too much chin music for me. I liked how things were as they stood and this started to feel like a game I knew and I hate that game: The one where someone seeks validation only to serve themselves. Genuine vulnerability I understand, live in even but this was different.

Yeah, I really didn’t understand TD. And of course, even though promises were made I didn’t see him for the rest of the weekend. I saw Hank instead and he left marks of a different kind but more about that later.

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